Big Moon
by Gennerator
Summary: Side story to State of Mind, alternate version of Chapter 2. GaaSaku.


_(night sky big moon. anything to kill? girl boy sleeping. no, can't kill them, no. No. girl not sleeping? should sleep, tired. he sleep too. he, me? it? no kill boy girl Naruto Sakura. they.)_

Whispers, bursts of color. Twangs pangs twinges explosions. Ohh, no, this was wrong.

Gaara closed his eyes against the moonlight's glare. So bright too bright white light crash light. Exhale. He needed to focus. _On not being crazy or not killing everyone? Pick and choose._

It was the moon. The goddam_ fucking_ moon. Why hadn't he noticed it was so close?

Full moons had never been this bad before. Not when Shukaku had been whole and well inside him. Why was it worse now? Sit and breathe, that's what he would do. And not sleep. Never again.

_(girl not sleeping. don't kill her. special.)_

The world was amazingly clear, when his entire being felt so primally simplistic. White and black. Day and night. Plunge his hands into Team 7's stomachs and feel their organs, or not.

Not. Definitely not.

He wondered how Suna was doing, left in Temari and his advisor's hands. Better than it had been in his?

"Is this becoming a habit?"

He inwardly mewled with frustration.

_(Go away go away GO AWAY)_

Deep breath in out. "Insomnia isn't a habit." His voice was even, calm, and he did not trust himself to say anything else. Maybe she would get bored. He doubted it. She couldn't know. This was not something a seal could fix. He had to wait until sunrise, then he would be fine. Better than fine, he hoped, thanks to her help.

Still, Sakura stood there, silent and unmoving. Probably trying to figure out what to say. He listened to her breathe, in, out, and paced his breath with hers. She was hesitating.

"I apologize for speaking so rashly before," she said finally, sounding just like his advisors. He resented it. "I panicked. I acted inappropriately."

"I wish you wouldn't do that."

He could hear the surprised hitch in her breathing. Broke the pattern, whoops. Pissed him off a bit, actually. "Do what?"

"Switch between personalities. It's disconcerting."

_(makes want to kill kill kill you, pink BITCH moon big moon)_

"All right," she said agreeably. "I'm sorry I was such a bitch."

"You had a right," he said quietly, refusing to look at her_. I shouldn't have let her. I could have killed her._

He was gradually coming back to himself, pushing the strange urges and temptations to the back of his mind where he could ignore them. Was dawn close? It couldn't be...night had just begun.

He felt rather than saw her discomfort, then she was sitting beside him. Forcing herself? The dam burst and a vicious leak spilled through the cracks. _(hate you hate you kill you dead) _She wrapped pale, toned arms around her legs and rested her chin on her knees. He closed his eyes again, trying to stitch his mentality back together.

"He couldn't have really...hurt me, could he?" She asked, and the question sounded so intimate to him he was momentarily distracted from the war going on behind his eyes.

_(wouldn't hurt you...)_

"It's possible," he said honestly. It's likely.

She contemplated this for a while, staring ahead at the sandy landscape. Gaara absently wondered if she was afraid of him now.

"...you're too afraid to even try sleeping now, aren't you?"

Pain burst in his skull as he forced himself not to look at her. Her throat wasn't particularly slender, but it would be laughably easy to just crush, and he was afraid of tempting whatever the hell it was inside of him. He frowned in concentration. "Don't assume so much."

She didn't seem to hear or care about the tone of warning in his voice. Recklessly stupid girl, he thought, feeling somewhat bewildered by her. "I could help you if you want."

He almost laughed the kind of helpless, crazy little laugh he hadn't laughed in years. It was all just so _fucking_ funny. She really had _no idea_. Help him?

He looked at her for the first time since she had shown up. "Help me what?"

"Sleep."

Oh.

Did he trust himself to sleep? No, no way. Did he trust her to help himself sleep? Not really. She looked straight at him, huge eyes warm and reassuring and a little concerned. He resisted the urge to lean away. "I would just need to press a pressure point. It would relax you." She seemed to contemplate him a moment. "You would be able to wake up if you needed to."

He couldn't sleep. Not tonight. He couldn't tell her why. "You're exhausted."

"You shouldn't assume so much," she threw back at him, voice subtly playful. For one mind-numbing second he was overcome with violently jealous envy of her, this stupid brave girl who could afford to make jokes.

"You have used extensive amounts of chakra."

"I have more than I used to." She sounded insulted.

"We all have more than we used to. That doesn't mean you can suddenly do everything."

This irritated her. He knew he was being demeaning, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

"You'd be surprised," she grit out.

Did she even realize how tempting this was? He considered the stark black mark between his shoulder blades. It was there, did that mean it worked?

"All right," he said finally, hating himself. What if he killed her? Killed both of them?

She motioned for him to go back to his sleeping roll. He did, and she stood behind him. Her fingers brushed lightly over his neck once, hesitating, then pressed hard under his left shoulder. He felt her chakra, her life, enter his system, then she pulled immediately out. He mentally sighed as his mind clouded. He wouldn't have let it happen again...

The world faded. Sight went gradually, followed by sound. No urges, no voices. Everything was numb, gone. He cast his half-closed eyes around until he found her. "I'm grateful," was all he managed to get out before he was swallowed completely.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Is it wrong to like writing about crazy people? It is_ so_ fun.

And yes, there was solid GaaSaku in this. Read between the lines. The crazy lines.

I'm kidding, he isn't crazy. He's unstable. The voice is something like his natural instincts, Shukaku (who is now suppressed and has to find other ways to communicate, hint hint), and his own feelings (nudge).

Feelings, wink. Go read the not-so-subtle crazy lines.


End file.
